A quick back story on this poem:
I wrote this poem about 10 years ago. It is pertaining to my Ex-Fiance at the time and our relationship/my doubts. I haven’t changed or re-written anything from this poem since then. Please let me know what you think, especially compared to my poetry now. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask.
Is this love for you real?
Are we going with what we really feel?
Or trying to hold on to something, anything we can.
Do we really feel it?
Or do we only need it.
Do we need the idea of love and someone loving us to make things easier?
Is it easier to say that you have someone waiting for you?
Me and you. You and me. Us.
Just an idea that we pushed around in our heads.
Did we make believe it was real?
To show others what we “have” and what they want.
But do they want falsehood?
Are we being true to ourselves, each other and the feelings within?
Did we just make up what we both longed for just to have it so readily?
Do you try to convince yourself this is real?
Am I doing that every day?
By talking about you, how I feel and what you mean to me.
Do I say these things over and over again to convince myself that they’re true.
Is it if you say it enough you’ll eventually believe it? Is that what love is?
Is that what this is?
A rebound for you.
A need for me.
A want from you.
I lust of feelings for me.
Do I even know what I’m meaning?
These words I write so swiftly.
Pouring from my mind onto this page not knowing what I’m looking for maybe it’s what’s within me.
Maybe it’s doubt casting its ugly head.
Maybe it’s wanting it to fail due to being afraid of the commitment.
Do I really make you happy?
Or do you just tell yourself that so it’s easier to make it through the day.
So, you can forget about her and the other guy she’s with.
Do you think of her in the ways you say you think of me?
Could you really?
Do I measure up to her and what she was too you or am I just the settle you told yourself you’d never do?
Am I everything to you?
Are you everything to me?
Do “we” really exist in all this?
Is this our hearts and our brains being young, dumb, looking for that feeling so hard that we just happened to find it in each other?
Hoping, longing that it’s real so we manifested it in each other.
Does your heart cry for me?
Long for me?
Or are you just playing the game?
Somewhere inside you are hoping it will become real.
I will become her.
You will become him.
We will become them, we, us.
Does the drive for the idea of love make love so?
Does your brain and your heart make it so if you force it too?
Does our subconscious hold the truth, the real truth?
If so will we ever reach it or will we lock it away deep inside and hope it never rears its ugly face?
Did we talk and talk and talk to hope we’d find something in one another to spark anything inside us?
The fire we always heard about and wanted so badly.
The fire and passion one could only see in the movies.
Are we searching for that happy ending in each other because we know it really doesn’t exist?
Have we fooled everyone?
Have we fooled ourselves?
Is it okay to be your own worst enemy?
To destroy yourself and everything you built up that you thought was true, wanted to be true, longed for it to be true.
Can you really beat yourself at your own game?
It is the game of the heart that will cause your downfall in the end.
Are you ready for it?
Can you hold on?
Can you make everything you say real?
Can you feel it with all your being?
Or will you just fall endless?
The game of the heart and soul will destroy you in the end.
There could be happy endings but maybe if you only pretend.
To pretend you become the act, the show everyone tunes in for.
How long can you keep up this charade?
If you’re only longing for more.
Is it me that can give it to you?
Can you give it to me?
Are you my everything or my nothing?
Are you like these words that spew out of my thoughts are you just what I made you to be?
The perfect man.
The perfect girl.
Should I set you free?
Or hold on to this reality?
Pull your strings as you pull mine.
Who’s in charge, who will cross the line?
Hold you tight?
Live a lie?
Trust your words?
Believe my feelings?
Cast them aside?
Feel your feelings or only try?
Believe in myself like I believe in you.
I am I just a lie?