Undeniable #Poetry

A quick back story on this poem:

I wrote this poem about 10 years ago. It is pertaining to my Ex-Fiance at the time and our relationship/my doubts. I haven’t changed or re-written anything from this poem since then. Please let me know what you think, especially compared to my poetry now. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask.

Is this love for you real?

Are we going with what we really feel?

Or trying to hold on to something, anything we can.

Do we really feel it?

Or do we only need it.

Do we need the idea of love and someone loving us to make things easier?

Is it easier to say that you have someone waiting for you?

Me and you. You and me. Us.

Just an idea that we pushed around in our heads.

Did we make believe it was real?

To show others what we “have” and what they want.

But do they want falsehood?

Are we being true to ourselves, each other and the feelings within?

Did we just make up what we both longed for just to have it so readily?

Do you try to convince yourself this is real?

Am I doing that every day?

By talking about you, how I feel and what you mean to me.

Do I say these things over and over again to convince myself that they’re true.

Is it if you say it enough you’ll eventually believe it? Is that what love is?

Is that what this is?

A rebound for you.

A need for me.

A want from you.

I lust of feelings for me.

Do I even know what I’m meaning?

These words I write so swiftly.

Pouring from my mind onto this page not knowing what I’m looking for maybe it’s what’s within me.

Maybe it’s doubt casting its ugly head.

Maybe it’s wanting it to fail due to being afraid of the commitment.

Do I really make you happy?

Or do you just tell yourself that so it’s easier to make it through the day.

So, you can forget about her and the other guy she’s with.

Do you think of her in the ways you say you think of me?

Could you really?

Do I measure up to her and what she was too you or am I just the settle you told yourself you’d never do?

Am I everything to you?

Are you everything to me?

Do “we” really exist in all this?

Is this our hearts and our brains being young, dumb, looking for that feeling so hard that we just happened to find it in each other?

Hoping, longing that it’s real so we manifested it in each other.

Does your heart cry for me?

Long for me?

Or are you just playing the game?

Somewhere inside you are hoping it will become real.

I will become her.

You will become him.

We will become them, we, us.

Does the drive for the idea of love make love so?

Does your brain and your heart make it so if you force it too?

Does our subconscious hold the truth, the real truth?

If so will we ever reach it or will we lock it away deep inside and hope it never rears its ugly face?

Did we talk and talk and talk to hope we’d find something in one another to spark anything inside us?

The fire we always heard about and wanted so badly.

The fire and passion one could only see in the movies.

Are we searching for that happy ending in each other because we know it really doesn’t exist?

Have we fooled everyone?

Have we fooled ourselves?

Is it okay to be your own worst enemy?

To destroy yourself and everything you built up that you thought was true, wanted to be true, longed for it to be true.

Can you really beat yourself at your own game?

It is the game of the heart that will cause your downfall in the end.

Are you ready for it?

Can you hold on?

Can you make everything you say real?

Can you feel it with all your being?

Or will you just fall endless?

The game of the heart and soul will destroy you in the end.

There could be happy endings but maybe if you only pretend.

To pretend you become the act, the show everyone tunes in for.

How long can you keep up this charade?

If you’re only longing for more.

Is it me that can give it to you?

Can you give it to me?

Are you my everything or my nothing?

Are you like these words that spew out of my thoughts are you just what I made you to be?

The perfect man.

The perfect girl.

Should I set you free?

Or hold on to this reality?

Pull your strings as you pull mine.

Who’s in charge, who will cross the line?

Hold you tight?

Live a lie?

Die alone?

Trust myself?

Trust your words?

Believe my feelings?

Cast them aside?

Feel your feelings or only try?

 Believe in myself like I believe in you.

I am I just a lie?

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The Wounded Warrior: Real Life Warrior in Need of Your Support

You have fought for so long

Protecting and serving us all

Do not fret, Warrior

For those wounds and scars that leave you weak

You are still strong to me

In your final battle

I hear your call

Reaching out for your hand, Warrior

You are not alone

I am here

This poem was inspired by and written for: Lee Hernandez

Lee’s story is linked on his name. I urge you to please reach out to his man. He is under hospice care for an illness and his final wish is just for a phone or text. As busy as our lives are I believe every person who reads this poem can take a moment to honor this man’s dying wishes. He isn’t asking for much, just a second of your time. Thank you to anyone who reaches out to him.

“Hernandez and his family don’t want the connection to stop, which is where we all come in. Between 2 and 6 p.m. Arizona time, when he’s alert despite pain medications, you can call or text 210-632-6778 to speak with Hernandez or his wife (who will relay his message). He may not be able to read the text messages himself or articulate his thanks clearly (his speech is slurred from illness), but our small action, combined with “his strong will keeps him going,” said his wife.

If he or his wife don’t pick up the phone, try again later or leave a voicemail — at times, Hernandez is in too much pain to speak or function, said Ernestine. But he will, at some point, read or hear your well wishes.”

This is an excerpt from KMBC Article posted 7/14/17

Anti-Rant: Hate

As I fumble through my days, there’s always some awful action I see through social media that makes me instantly mumble, “I hate people as a whole.” I never stop to think in the moment how strong of a word hate really is. While the word does hold a sliver of power from statements such as, “I hate you,” or “I hate your writing”, human beings are the ones that give this four-letter word it’s true power.

If you took a glimpse into history you would find countless explains of how people let hateful ideas spread through their minds, hearts and soul like a cancer. That one four-letter word, hate, caused so much pain and suffering. I will not be sharing examples here, whereas I do believe humanity should learn from the past to not repeat those transgressions I’d rather focus on the positive we can do in our futures. I thought instead I would share somethings I appreciate to combat all the negativity that is associated with hatred.

First off in my ode to appreciation is a fairly easy answer for me, animals. The type of animal that comes to mind for me are cats. I own two of these “furry bastards”, a term which I use endearingly. My cats fall under the category of lovers, not fighters. They can’t get enough cuddles or pets which can be irritating when you’re trying to accomplish any other activity. What I have found from years of cat ownership is that irritated state quickly fades when you hear them purr and see them content. In the moments, you play with them then they come and lay next to you, that’s when you realize the unconditional love they hold for you. I greatly appreciate their companionship and love as well because they are always there even when people are not. I feel like any animals in our life can be overlooked from time to time but think back to times where you really needed comfort and, if you had an animal, I’m sure they were by your side.

Next, I’m going to break things down a little more. I’m not going to list friends, family and relationships on here. Instead I’m going to give induvial attributes people show and express. These are qualities that when I see in people or hear stories about fill me with, “Faith in humanity restored.”

When I think of a qaulity I believe every human should have the word kindness comes to mind. The level of kindness I am going to touch on is the random acts of kindness. This is basically humans helping out other humans for no status symbol, reward or kudos. They are helping just because they see a person struggling and know they are able too. One of the best ways to see hate combated with kindness is when it’s between strangers. In today’s world technogoly it’s easy to miss the world around us when we are outside. Having cell phones with instant access makes it where a ride on public transportation feels like you are actually alone, just plug in your headphones and you’re good to drowned out the world. So, when you see someone take notice to those around them it’s a pleasant surprise. For example if someone is walking and their bag full of gorceries falls apart sending around item’s everywhere and strangers come to the indistress person’s aid by helping them pick up the items and offering them a bag. It’s a moment were seeing the people come to aid another puts a smile on your face.

A huge qaulity that I greatly respect and I think is rarely bought up is, thoughtful conversation. We all know there’s topics we can’t bring up around certain people without the conversation turning ugly and hateful quickly. A few come to mind immeditely; religion, abortion and well just politics in gernal. I shudder at the thought of even hinting at some of those topics with close friends and family of mine. So when you can see two people with opposing views having a thought provoking coversation it’s almost awestriking. Everything that goes viral are the outbursts, yelling and conversation turned to physical altercation. Tolerance of different view points and beliefs seems to have gone by the wayside in the ever growing tense state of the world. Just remember the tolerance of someone elses views doesn’t mean you agree with them it just means you respect them enough to listen. I implore you to think about that the next time you find yourself in a heated conversation or debate.

Kindness and tolerance can do so much to combat the hateful aspect of the world around us. Just by adding these ideas to a daily routine can brighten your world and the world of those close to you. Instead of passing on the negativity that we view through social media and see everyday try to pay it forward with these acts. You never know who’s day you might brighten from being understanding and in doing so, maybe they will pass on that happiness to another.

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